Tuesday, 3 April 2007

Politicians [and Other Rodents] Gone Wild!

It seems that Canadian politicians have finally discovered the Internet and, more specifically, the power of posting video on YouTube. Over the past couple of months an increasing number of posts have been uploaded mocking politicians of the various parties.

The most recent posting was on 31 March 2007 and was taken at an 'open house' being held by Conservative Party Member of Parliament Ron Cannan [Kelowna-Lake Country, BC]. As this video demonstrates, not only do Tories have difficulty understanding the concept of peace, social justice, or concern for the well-being of others ... they don't even understand the meaning of open house!

Ron Cannan Open House - Conservatives Only [7:31]

Given the difficulty that the Tories have had with consistency and communication recently, I'm surprised that the poster announcing the open house wasn't on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign outside the door saying 'Beware of the Leopard.'

Despite this atypical burst of aggression, Canadian politicians have traditionally lacked the killer instinct possessed by our neighbours to the south that allows them to leap into the gutter at the drop of a hat and sling mud with reckless abandon. With the lone exception of one ad in the early 1990s [You know, the one that used Jean Chretien's facial palsy to make him look like a gargoyle], we have a little bit too much restraint for that. And that's why elections are no damn fun in Canada.

Despite that, MP Mark Holland [Ajax-Pickering, ON] does his best to trash talk the Conservatives for taking illegal donations.

Mark Holland Exposes Illegal Conservative Donations [3:25]

And, naturally enough, when you spend enough time thinking about politicians you find your thoughts drifting to thoughts of ... rats. Lots and lots and lots of rats. A whole KFC/Taco Bell FULL OF RATS, in fact!

Rats Take Over KFC/Taco Bell [2:00]

But if you think this is bad, just wait until fast food restaurants become infested by something really unpleasant ... like politicians! Just you wait and see, it could happen yet! And then I'll find myself running along the highway warning oblivious commuters of the danger, just like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. [Or I might just be lazy and stay home.]

On the other hand, maybe we should try to see this as a golden business opportunity and not just an infestation of filthy, disease-laden vermin. If the owners could find small enough aprons and tiny, tiny little utensils, they could recruit our little Rodent-American 'friends' and train then to find rewarding employment in the service industry sector. ['Would you like Yersinia pestis with that, sir/madame?'] After all, they don't sleep much, they reproduce rapidly and copiously, and would be more than likely to be willing to accept old deep-frier grease and floor sweepings in lieu of an hourly salary. Hell, rats would be totally exempt from labour laws regarding minimum wage and overtime and the like. I'm surprised that dubya [or Stephen Harper] haven't tabled legislation on this already. I believe that I'm going to phone the Donald about this opportunity of a lifetime right now.